When I get a bit UPSET with someone, I think:

…
"What kind of doctor removes SHOES from ASSES?!"

Then, I chuckle and PONDER about the NECESSARY specifications:
"Well, depending on the DEPTH, you'd either need a SURGEON or a PROCTOLOGIST."
(--DR. Sheldon Cooper, 'The Big Bang Theory')


...

I admit: I LACK patience.

…


Do NOT--continuously, REPEATEDLY--try to explain yourself to STUPID people.

(You're NOT 'The JACKASS-Whisperer'.)


...

(WARNING) So, I examine the "AFTEREFFECTS/RESULTS" of my digestive-process.

…
(RELAX!  I am NOT a SICKO/WEIRDO!)
(… Well, I AM … KINDA "weird".)

(… However, I'm ALSO a MAN.)

…
"It's actually part of the 'GUY-CODE' that guys look at their poop, when they're done."
(--NEW television show, 'Guy Code')

HEY!  I'm monitoring my "OUTPUT" for MY "Biomedical Engineering"-studies.
(… "It's SCIENCE!"--'Anchorman')


Yesterday--after THREE DAYS of NO "fecal-activity"--I "moved my bowels" TWICE … in "~0.25" ("APPROXIMATELY a QUARTER of") ("ABOUT one fourth of") the DAY.
(… "When it rains, it POURS.")



...

FYI: (about ME)

…
-- I am (WAS) faster than 80% of ALL snakes.
(… That was THEN.  NOW my INCREDIBLE-speed is MENTAL.)

-- When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
(… I tend to be rather MOODY.)

-- The EYES are the GROIN of the HEAD.
(… That's IMPORTANT for my "martial arts"-TEACHINGS.)

-- My feelings regenerate at TWICE the SPEED as those of a "NORMAL" man.
(… I'm ALWAYS "changing".)

-- … I am QUITE fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.


(… Actually, these are ALL quotes from Dwight "FART" Schrute of 'The Office'.)


...

GREAT (commercial-)CONCEPT!

…
"Maybe it's called 'the beaten path', 'cuz
IT can be 'BEATEN'."
(--Acura-car)


...

My "UPPER body"-trainer--to ME: "You're a COMPLEX individual."

…
I'm ODD/STRANGE/WEIRD/"NOT normal".
Yet, I STILL "get the job DONE"!

…
DESPITE my PLETHORA/ABUNDANCE of metal in my LEFT shoulder, SAID trainer COMPLIMENTED my INCREASED/IMPROVED "range-of-motion" with my LEFT "UPPER arm".

(… I CONSTANTLY "stretch" my LEFT shoulder … like NOW.)


...

I REFUSE to be "UN-American"!

…
MOST residents f the United States do NOT watch--or even, FOLLOW--soccer.
Yet AGAIN, I'm "DIFFERENT".

MAYBE it's 'cuz it's the (ONCE every FOUR YEARS) "WORLD Cup",  or MAYBE it's 'cuz I used to PLAY competitive 'futbol' for 3+ seasons, or MAYBE it's 'cuz I'm CULTURED and APPRECIATIVE of foreign "customs", or MAYBE it's 'cuz I have "HEART"/"DETERMINATION"/"COMMITMENT"!

(… JUST 'cuz the Americans JUST lost to Belgium--thus ELIMINATING 'em does NOT mean I will STOP watching this GLOBAL sports-EXTRAVAGANZA!)


...

"SERENITY NOW!"

…
("INSANITY later."

--'Seinfeld')



...

DAMN! My "Extra-Sensory Perception" is--like--WHOA!

… Without WALKING over to the telephone--'cuz I CAN'T (YET!), I remarked that I didn't think that the phone would ring.  (Apparently, the LAST TIME the phone was used it was NOT PROPERLY hung up.)

After checking,

…

yep, I was CORRECT!


...

Although I have a "T.B.I.", I MUST abide:

…
"Follow your BRAIN".
(METAPHORICALLY)
"Your HEART is STUPID as shit."


"TRU DAT!"



...