(WARNING) I thought of THIS this morning, ... as I sat & "dropped a LOAD" ... of FECAL-"what-have-you":
Anomaly in a Chair
"Nooow, I'll tell y'all what it's LIKE
... To be a genius ... with a messed-up PSYCHE.
So, I'd like-to take tell my 'stoh-REE',
Just sit right THERE.
I'll tell y'all the tales of an anomaly in a CHAIR.
From Karate-class, I was drivin' HOME,
Just kicked some ass, so I had a 'big DOME'.
Four other teachers tried-to take me DOWN,
... But, I danced around 'em like I was wearin' a GOWN.
Suddenly, my tire shredded & began-to ex-PLODE,
... And, I was ejected out-onto the ROAD.
... I slipped-into 2 comas, so I got SCARED:
I thought, 'HOW will I function, always SITTIN' in a CHAIR?!'
I TRIED & 'pushed' my legs day-after-DAY.
Ya see I'm DETERMINED, ... for in this chair I woN'T STAY!
I started-to STAND. Then, I started-to WALK.
... These were BOTH with a walker, as my legs TEND-to just LOCK.
Aching left-HIP makes it ROUGH.
... But, where's the CHALLENGE, if it aiN'T TOUGH?!
I've GOTTA keep tellin' myself that I CAN BEAT-IT.
... 'Yes, ... I WILL BEAT IT.'
... But, WAIT. What-about when I'm TIRED ... & DREARY?
... This aiN'T a LUXURY-cruise! NO-rest for the WEARY!
... BUMMER, ah-CRUD!
HOW can I GET ... from HERE to THERE?!
... I'll just HAFTA-be ... an anomaly in a CHAIR.
Well, I GUESS it's alright that I'm a 'HANDICAPPED-MEMBER'.
But, my PAST was so ADMIRABLE. 'RIH-MEMBER'?!
... Will I EVER WALK-alone 'ah-GHIN'?!
... I NEED 'PAY-SHENTZ'.
ALL my progress is GRADUAL ... over a LOOONG-stretch of TIME.
I closed my EYES ... to BETTER 'CON-SEHN-TRAYT'.
I glance at my watch OFTEN, 'cuz my RE-built LEG-nerves ARE very LATE.
...Ah, I mustN'T RUSH 'em. My LIFE is QUITE-RARE.
... LATER, I'll say, 'NAH. DoN'T NEED IT.
... WHO WANTS a CHAIR?!'
I've straightened my LEFT-foot. so it's NOT 'pigeon-TOED'.
... Now I just need my LEG-nerves to 'WAKE-up STRONG'
... I looked DOWN at my LEGS
& exhaled this PROUD-AIR,
As I think how I 'WUZ' ... this ANOMALY in a CHAIR."
'Fresh Prince' theme song:
Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said, "I might as well kick it."
First class, yo, this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmm, this might be alright.
But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said "Fresh" and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it."
– "Yo, home to Bel-Air."
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo home smell ya later."
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air
...
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