I … SORTA … have the ability to smell.

…
"NO man can control MY destiny …
ESPECIALLY one who attacks DOWNWIND."
(--'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves')

…
Although, my PHENOMENAL martial arts-training has KINDA enabled me to "SENSE people's PRESENCE".



...

(WARNING) Exercise/"Nature" > Science/Medicine

…
Since I "relieved myself"--into my toilet this MORNING, BEFORE I went to my (GREAT) leg-workout at my gym ("NeuroFit 360").

After REALLY "putting my ALL" into my LEG-workout, I went home.
My LOWER-body HAD TO have been OVERLY "active"--AS the Biomedical Engineer CORRECTLY predicted--"THANK YOU, thank you," I said with a bow, so I DECLINED "bowel-stimulating medication" from my nurse, as she "fed me" my "dinner"--via G-tube.

SURE ENOUGH, approximately 15 minutes AFTER my "meal", I--AGAIN--"UNLEASHED a 'FECAL-FRENZY'"into my toilet.


…
Outsider #1: "The topic's two terms are NOT mutually-EXclusive!"
(--'The Big Bang Theory')
ME: "Shut … UP, Life!
'Wy don't you go practice FALLING DOWN?  I'll be there in a minute.'"
(--'Joe Dirt')


...

I need to "get on" some "HARDCORE"/POWERFUL medication!

…
THAT way I can slap STUPID people, and just
BLAME the "side effects".

(… Wait, I AM taking ALOTTA various, RANDOM "drugs".)

((… Also, MY (STRANGE/MIS-understood) "Traumatic Brain-Injury" does NOT account for ANY of my nerve-to-muscle "responses".))

(… HHHMMM …)


...

UH-OH, something BAD happened!

…
HOW do I/WE REACT?!


1) Let it DEFINE me/us.

2) Let it DESTROY me/us.

3) Let it STRENGTHEN me/us.


(… I can FEEL my biceps BULGING out of my shirt.)


...

GREAT/INSPIRING movie-tagline!

…

To ALL my "HATING", DOUBTING (SUPPOSEDLY) well-informed doctors:

"Move PAST the 'IMPOSSIBLE'!"

(--'X-Men: Days of Future Past')

(… Welcome to MY life.  ALL I do is DIS-prove odds!)

...

If I COULD, I (SSSOOOOOOO) WOULD!

…
But, I CAN'T, so I WON'T.


>>  
"DRINK the … PAIN … AWAY."

"GOOD call."

(--'Workaholics')
(… HILARIOUS show!)


...

When I get FRUSTRATED/UPSET,

… I recall the words of Lieutenant Harris in the film, 'Police Academy':

"NOBODY F---- (expletive deleted) with ME!"

THEN, Private Mahoney's response ALWAYS makes me chuckle:

"Well, maybe you'll find the RIGHT girl."

(… AAAHHH, actor Steve Guttenberg!  I COMMEND your TIMING and DELIVERY!)


...

"It's the PRINCIPLE!"

… --ME

"STAND" FIRM in/to your beliefs & ideas/opinions.

"The TALLEST oak in the forest was once just a LITTLE nut that held its ground."

Establish a STURDY/STRONG/STABLE foundation.


(… HEY!  I'm VERY "nut"TY!)



...

"A 'PROMISE'

… ain't worth
a tub o' CRICKETS.
if you don't 'see it through'."
(--'Tosh.O')


In other words,

-- Be PERSISTENT.
-- NEVER give up … HOPE!
-- "ACTIONS 'speak LOUDER' than WORDS."


...

"Do you ever DREAM … about … WHO you're gonna be?"

…

"Aren't--aren't I going to be ME?"

Mrs. Gump: "You have to do the BEST with what God gave you."

(A MAJOR problem of MINE:)

Forrest: "My mama always said you've got to the past BEHIND YOU before you can MOVE ON."

"(I'm praying.)

"Dear God, make me a BIRD.  So, I can fly far.  Far, far away from here."

(… Since I have DIFFICULTY walking, FLIGHT is NOT a bad form of transportation.)

MORAL

"Life is like a BOX o' CHOCOLATES.  Ya never know what you're gonna GET."

--'Fantastic Four'

…
"WHAT?!  I didn't turn into a 'MONSTER'!"

…
"What if I DON'T WANNA be … 'NORMAL'?!"

(… "NORMAL"?
Is that word ENGLISH?!)

(… C'mon!  Where are my LATIN-scholars?!)


...

(WARNING) "ASK, and you SHALL receive."

…
(I VEHEMENTLY apologize, if any of y'all are offended/disgusted by this "TOPIC of discussion"!  But, then again, I SHANT censor myself in MY blog just to APPEASE the majority.
This is NOT a democracy!  It is a literary/blogocratic AUTOCRACY!)

So, today I realized that it had been a FEW days since I last "excreted my FECAL-'waste'"--into my "PORCELAIN THRONE".
Thus, I asked my "pusher"--my nurse--for some "meds" to BETTER "settle" and "regulate" the LAST/ENDING section of my digestive-process.

In a span of ~575 minutes (nine hours and 35 minutes) (~8:17 am - ~5:52 pm), I "evacuated my bowels" not once but TWICE!


MORAL:
"ONE for BAD.  TWO for GOOD."
--'Rain Man'


P.S. I can TOTALLY relate to that FANTASTIC film:

-- I have a MISUNDERSTOOD brain-injury/disorder.
-- I know ALOTTA random sports-trivia.
-- My MENTAL math/numbers-skills are MORE than EXEMPLARY!


...

My MATURITY-level

…
< 0

Being an "ADULT" is/was the DUMBEST thing I have EVER done!

(… NEED I remind y'all that I have a "Traumatic Brain-Injury"?!)


...

You've/I've GOTTA … HOPE!

…

"You canNOT believe in it PARTway.
You HAVE TO believe in it ALL!"
(--'The Book of Mormons'-the MUSICAL)


(… HILARIOUS!)


(… I NEED humorous MOTIVATION!)




…

PURELY HYPOTHETICAL:

…
"What if I CUT OFF one of my arms?
Ya' think they'd let me in the 'Special-Olympics'?
… I REALLY wanna win a MEDAL!"
(--'Summer Catch')


(… I KNOW my future appears VERY BLEAK.
But, I MUST "look back" at ALL that I've ALREADY accomplished.
Also, I should EXAMINE my "situation" as--YET ANOTHER--"obstacle" for me to "HURDLE".)


…

What I've been up to … to stay BUSY.

…
"I've been doing a lot of READING:
road-signs, prescriptions.
Ya' know, stuff to keep me ALERT!"
(--Jim Carrey on 'Conan')

(… I just found this AMUSING.
I actually do MORE/OTHER stuff/"SHENANIGANS".)

(… "Why do we FALL, sir?
… So, we can learn to pick ourselves back UP."
--Alfred, to Bruce Wayne; 'Batman Begins')


...

POORLY named:

…

A NATIONAL organization for automobile-repairs is COMMONLY referred to by ONLY its UNFORTUNATE initials.

 "U.T.I." -- Universal Technical Institute

(… Anyone associated with the medical-field AT ALL could/would tell you that THAT ALSO stands for
"Urinary-Tract Disorder".)


(…
Person #1: "So, what's on your schedule today?"
Person #2: "I've gotta check out my 'U.T.I.'  It seems like it's pretty SERIOUS."
Person #1: "EEEWWW!  Good luck."


...

"Rep-ree-ZENT!"

…

 https://movies.yahoo.com/news/turkish-drama-winter-sleep-wins-palme-dor-181130673.html  


(Evidently, GOOD things come out of MY MOTHER-COUNTRY!)

(… In case the link does NOT work, it just states that a TURKISH film--produced/directed by a TURKISH guy--won the TOP HONOR/AWARD at the Cannes Film Festival in France on May 23rd, 2014--for the drama, 'Winter Sleep'.)


...

I'm the "BIG toe"!

…
"An 'ARMY' without a 'LEADER'
is like
a 'FOOT' without a 'BIG TOE'.
(--'Stripes')

I'm NOT being egotistical!
But, PERSONALITY-wise, I'm just a NATURAL-"LEADER".


...

"FOLLOW your HEART!"

…
(METAPHORICALLY)

REALLY TRY to follow what it is that you WANT to do
and
what your heart is "TELLING YOU" to do.


((… My heart "WANTS" me (EEEWWW!) to WALK and TALK … and EAT/DRINK!))


...

Regarding my not CONSISTENTLY COGENT speech:

…
I'm just speaking "CURSIVE".

(… This also USED TO apply, when I'd get REALLY "INEBRIATED".)

(… For a NOT large MALE, I could "hold my own".  It's ALL math and science … AND well-timed CALISTHENICS.)


...

… "That was a WICKED 'BURN'!"

… --Michael Kelso, 'That 70s Show'

… Bottom line: 

"PSYCHE your mind!"

('Moesha')

I had a TERRIFIC workout--as USUAL--at my gym!

I walked on the "I-Care" for ~13 minutes.

I "WALKED"--MINIMALLY supported with a harness--on a treadmill for ~12 minutes.

Then, I practiced my "stepping ONTO a small box" on said treadmill.

Also, I practiced my SIDE-STEPPING and weight-shifting for ~six minutes.

Finally, I "WALKED" BACKWARDS on the treadmill for a few minutes.

Throughout ALL of this, I wore my "getting COMFORTABLE" foot-brace".

Also, I HAD TO "crack jokes" to "LIGHTEN the MOOD" during my "breaks".

...

Hey, "they can't ALL be 'WINNERS" … AGAIN!

…
I kinda was "DRAGGIN' ASS" today during my 60-minute workout at my gym--"NeuroFit 360".
So, I thought about HOW to REACT:

"It's either:
Go home and BROOD,
or
go home and SULK.
I'm leaning toward 'BROODING'."
--'Monk'


...

''ATENCIO'N: MUY IMPORTANTE':

…
"Life is BETTER, when you're LAUGHING."
(--Snoopy … the DOG)


…
"Write that down."
((--Michael Scott (Steve Carell), 'The Office')


I NEED comedy in--just about--ALL aspects of my life--INCLUDING my "FOUR times/week"-workouts!


...

I am what I AM.

…

Daily Affirmation 

I have the power to transform the world in a POSITIVE way.
I have the power to bring "LIGHT" to "DARK" situations.
I have the power to HEAL, when/where things are BROKEN.

I am "HERE" for a PURPOSE.
My "POWER" lies in my LOVE of/for myself & OTHERS.


(… My "POWER" is MOSTLY "amplified"/INCREASED by "OTHERS"!)


...

I'm doin' GREAT things at my LEGS-oriented gym ("NeuroFit 360")!

…
Over the past couple weeks, I've

-- SUCCESSFULLY learned to weight-shift to WALK/SIDE-STEP along a wall.

-- SUCCESSFULLY used my swinging-momentum to STAND UP from sitting on a sideways-bench.
(YAY!)

-- SUCCESSFULLY managed my OWN WEIGHT-balancing to BETTER assist me in painFREE-walking … WITH my walker.


...

It is human-NATURE to FEAR what they/we do NOT understand.

…
Ergo, NO--ZERO--ZILCH--(SUPPOSEDLY) "esteemed" DOCTORS comprehend my being an "ANOMALY"(--my doctors), I MUST "FRIGHTEN" 'em ALL!

((… Not to be crude, but I'd point and LAUGH at said MEDICAL-"experts" (HA!), WHEN they PISS their pants!))

(… Mathematical-TRANSLATION:
"Qualitative-comparison" --
MY "Traumatically Injured Brain-POWER" & DETERMINATION  >> Their medical BELIEFS/"CRAP")


(… NEED I remind y'all of my college-degree in "Biomedical Engineering".  So, I … KINDA understand this "area"/"field".)





P.S. One "DOCTOR" actually laughed--IN MY FACE, when he learned of my educational-background.
(Upon hearing this, I HAD TO exhibit "SELF-CONTROL"^nth-degree to NOT punch him!)



...

(I like the CONCEPT!/PREMISE!)

…
There's a show on "ESPN2" called 'Numbers Never Lie'.

1) The television show is MAINLY about SPORTS--with which I am OBSESSED!

2) I "ACED" "Advanced Placement - Statistics"--as my ELECTIVE (I'm a NERD!)--in 12th grade.


...

"The glass is 'half-FULL'."

…

"A GOOD attitude doesN'T come from HAVING the BEST of everything in life.
It comes from 'MAKING the BEST of' EVERYTHING in life!"
(--Joyce Meyer)


…

I'm VERY INTRIGUED.

…
I saw an ADVERTISEMENT for

"The HOKEY-POKEY Clinic:
A place to 'TURN YOURSELF AROUND".

(… NOT ONLY is it CLEVER/WITTY, but I--metaphorically--NEED that!)


...

Derivation of the phrase:

…

"You've gotta 'FIGHT' through ADVERSITY."

=

"Where there is no STRUGGLE,
there is no STRENGTH."


...

"It's the PRINCIPLE!"

… --MY "pitching a (MINOR) fit", when my girlfriend--AT THE TIME--asked me how I felt … about my "B+" on a test for my ACCELERATED M.B.A. program.


The Three "C"s in Life:
1) Choice
2) Chance
3) Change

You must make the "CHOICE"
to take a "CHANCE"
in order to make a "CHANGE".

(… I can't really RELATE, 'cuz in "Academia" I've NEVER "experienced" a "C".)
(… Just "AVERAGE"?!  SCOFF!)

(… HOWEVER, I fiendishly LIKE the METHODOLOGY!)


...

"GOOD work takes TIME."

…

"If you CAN'T STOP thinking about it, 

DON'T STOP working for it."

(--Charlie Murphy)

(… NO "days-off" from WALKING!)

Speaking of "OFF-DAYS", I USUALLY skip doing my (DAILY) 40 squats.
But, TODAY, I'm feeling particularly STRONG and ENERGETIC!
Thus, I DID my 40 squats … PLUS TWO!

...

(Math-"FUN")

…
(PLEASE remember the "Order of Operations":
"Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally" --
"Parentheses Exponents Multiplication Division Addition Subtraction")


1 x 2^3 / 4 + (5 - 6) x (7 - 8) x 9

= the OPPOSITE of "the word to DECLINE an invitation to discuss the/HIS NON-standard analysis of MATHEMATICAL implementation in/to HIS/the 'Transcendental Law of Homogeneity' with ONE  Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz"
(… He's German.)




…


(The German word for 'NO' is 'NIYN'.)
= -9

Ergo, since "two WRONGS make a RIGHT", I MUST'VE devised this problem CORRECTLY.

(… So, TECHNICALLY, wouldn't you be ACCEPTING the discussion-invitation?)
(… Why wouldN'T you?!)

(… I have some SERIOUS "NERDY-issues".)




P.S. I will NOT admit that I may or may NOT have PONDERED about this upon my (PORCELAIN) "throne".


...

… STILL "Rep-REE-zentin"'!

…
As of April 3rd, 2014, there is/was AT LEAST one Turkish "Greco-Roman" ("UPPER body") wrestler ranked in the WORLDWIDE-Top 20 in EACH of the eight weight-classes/divisions!


59 kg:
#6

66 kg:
#5,
#11

71 kg:
#13

75 kg:
#4

80 kg:
#15

85 kg:
#9

98 kg:
#6

130 kg:
#1,
#3


As of May 2nd, 2014, there was STILL a "SOLID" showing/representation in the "Freestyle"-rankings!


57 kg:
#15

61 kg:
#19

65 kg:
#3,
#7

70 kg:
#3

74 kg:
#4

86 kg:
(N/A)

97 kg:
#10,
#20

125 kg:
#1


...

"Take a CHANCE on ME!"

… --'ABBA'

The IMPORTANT risks you do NOT take "today"
will become REGRETS "tomorrow".


(… The "timing" is METAPHORICAL.)


MORAL
;Carpe diem.'
= 'SEIZE the day.'



...

I INSPIRED a TELEVISION SHOW!

…
(Granted I'm referring to JUST the title!)

'Your Bleeped Up Brain'

((… The actual SHOW is about (SUPPOSEDLY) "magic" card-tricks.
How GULLIBLE some people are!))

I MENTALLY-"operate" VERY UNUSUALLY/"AGAINST the NORM".
But, hey.  It WORKS!


...

FAITH

… is about TRUSTING your "gut"/intuition,
even when you don't QUITE understand ALL the "steps" of the PLAN.


...

"Spread the (METAPHORIC) 'wealth'."

…

FREQUENTLY give HAPPINESS, JOY and UNDERSTANDING to AS MANY people as POSSIBLE.

There is no BETTER/GREATER feeling!

…
(I try to think of THIS, when I teach 'Jujitsu' … and MATH-tutor.)


...

GO "Twinkies"!

… No, I am NOT HIDEOUSLY-OBESE.

… "Twinkies" is just a COMMON nickname for the Major League Baseball team--the Minnesota Twins.

I am a MAJOR fan of THAT organization!
Today marks the last day of their annual

"HOPE Week".

GODSPEED!


...

(LATELY) MY LIFE … "in a NUTSHELL":

…
"No.  This is ME--'in a NUTSHELL'!"
(--one of the 'Austin Powers' movies)


"There's MORE to SEE than can EVER be SEEN,
MORE to DO than can … EHHVVVERR be DONE!"
(--'The Lion King')


...

Back during my "HEY-DAY",

… (Read: "COLLEGIATE-CAREER".)

I was A BIT of a WELL-RESPECTED individual … at my "Ivy League"-institution (University of Pennsylvania).
After my graduation, "word on the grapevine" is that

some guys in my fraternity (Sigma Alpha Epsilon) say--about YOURS TRULY:

"Some say … that he was MORE than a MAN …
but LESS than a GOD."

Now, BEFORE I SILENCE their BLASPHEMY, I quickly realize that they are just quoting an EPIC movie from 1993!

((… Would that make ME ponder whether I am like "The Great Bambino" (George Herman "Babe" Ruth) OR 'The Great … BAMBI' ("That WIMPY dear?!")?))


BOTTOM LINE
"HEROES get remembered.  But, LEGENDS never die."

(--ALL quotes from 'The Sandlot')


...

"The WEEKEND's (JUST ABOUT) here!"

… "I'm goin' for a VERY, VERY SPECIFIC type of 'WEIRD' here."
(--'Workaholics')


...

"It's SCIENCE!"--'Anchorman'

…
Says one of the TOP medical facilities in the country:


http://www.inquisitr.com/1230880/farting-is-healthy-says-mayo-clinic/  

(I'm STILL quite "HEALTHY"!)


...

"The ROYAL 'We'. The EDITORIAL. …"

… --'The Big Lebowski'

How APPROPRIATE that "WE" listened to the song,
'WE … ARE … the CHAMPIONS!
NO … TIME … for LOSERS!"
(… in the car on "OUR" way home from Karate-class.)


...

"BELIEF" = "HOPE

…


BELIEVE you CAN, and you're HALFWAY there.


...

(METAPHORICAL "steps")

…

With MY SLOW walking, the "steps" are also LITERAL.

Sometimes the SMALLEST "step" in the RIGHT/CORRECT direction ends up being the BIGGEST "step" of your life.  

TIP-TOE if you must, but TAKE the "step".

(… IF you're gonna "GO", go "ALL-OUT".)


...

I do NOT have "brain-farts".

…
(No, that's NOT condescending.)


…
My (SEVERELY-injured) brain just COMPLETELY "SHITS its "pants" from time to time.

Nonetheless, I "suck it up", and MAKE DO.


...

'Carpe diem.'

…


OPPORTUNITIES are like sunrises:

If you wait TOO LONG, you'll miss 'em.

...

… (WARNING) I APOLOGIZE!

…
"Word on 'da street" is that my blogging about my EXCREMENTAL-"extracurricular activities" may NOT be appreciated.
(DAMNIT!  THAT was "passive-voice".)

In MY defense, I thought it'd be BETTER to blog about my "digestive-HEALTH".

I canNOT please EVERYONE.
(… THAT'S what SHE said!)

"To each his/her OWN."


...

(WARNING) "EAT IT!"/"UP YOURS!"/"IN YOUR FACE!"

… That's SLANG for "Ha HA!"
My G.I.-doctor said that if I do NOT excrete fecal matter "EVERY DAY", I am "VERY SICK" and "NEED a (DREADED) enema"!
Well, I hadn't "RECTALLY released my BOWELS" in a few ("few" = 3) days.
However, I JUST "dropped 'BOMBS' over 'Baghdad'"!
(TRANSLATION: "I POOPED A LOT into my toilet.")

Also, my DUNG were mostly SOLID.
My fecal matter were NOT like my TYPICAL liquid, diarrhea-esque poop-remnants.


MORAL
DOCTORS are ENTIRELY too "full of themselves".
Just 'cuz they've got a FANCY diploma ON DISPLAY and a RESPECTED white overcoat does NOT mean they can't be COMPLETELY WRONG!


...

''A Midsummer Night's Dream'

… --popular, COMEDIC play by William Shakespeare

The DREADFUL, FORSAKEN day was July 6, 2008.  I was driving home from Karate-class at ~noon-time on the highway (595), when my left-rear tire EXPLODED and SHREDDED.  I was EJECTED out of my car-window and onto the interstate.
(  : (  )

… 'Twas also "a day that will live in INFAMY"(--President FDR, regarding the Japanese military-attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941)

"Weigh the PROS versus the CONS."

…

"Choose being KIND over being RIGHT,

and you'll be RIGHT/CORRECT every time."
(--Richard Carlson)


...

Look at/toward TOMORROW

… not YESTERDAY.

(We canNOT change the UNFORTUNATE incidents of the PAST.
Ergo, we MUST create a BETTER FUTURE.)

(… Think POSITIVE.)


...

REMEMBER why you STARTED,

… and NEVER FORGET "where" you're GOING!

LIFE is an ENDLESS "JOURNEY".
It's like a "MARATHON" multiplied by a "MARATHON".


(26.2 miles
x 26.2 miles
= 524 + 15720 + 52400
= 16244 + 52400

= 68644 square miles)

(… SHIT!  That seems FAR!)


...

I'm VERY PROUD to be … an ANOMALY!

…
(Ha ha HA!)

(IGNORANT) People tend to laugh AT me, 'cuz I'm (VERY) DIFFERENT.
I laugh AT them, 'cuz they'r all the SAME.

...
"MUTANT and PROUD."
(--'X Men')



...

ALWAYS!

…

One MUST sacrifice SOMETHING in order to TRULY achieve

…

SUCCESS!

(You HAFTA "weigh the PROS v. the CONS" before EACH and EVERY decision you make.)


...

"BEND 'em, but don't BREAK 'em!"

…

"If you obey ALL the rules,  you miss ALL the FUN."
(--Katharine Hepburn)


…
Back when I was very flexible--from Karate-training, I COULD say THAT about my (206) bones and (620) muscles.

Can I get an "AMEN!"?

…
"Never underestimate the PREDICTABILITY of STUPIDITY."
(--'Snatch')


(… C'mon, A.J.  BREATHE!
Think of NUMBERS.)


...

"Do unto OTHERS as you would have them do unto THEE."

…

The SMALLEST act of KINDNESS
is worth MORE than
the GRANDEST intention.

"ACTIONS 'speak LOUDER' than WORDS."


...

… What an INTERESTING perspective!

…
"(British accent) Every AHCTION is a RE-ahction."
(--'Snatch')


CONVERSELY, Sir Isaac Newton's "THIRD Law of Motion":
"For every ACTION, there is an EQUAL and OPPOSITE RE-action."

(… With WHOM do I "SIDE"?!
BOTH sides are COMPELLING arguments.)


...

There is a METHOD to my "MADNESS"!

…


"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"(Ha ha) The Lord has taught me a FINE lesson!"

… "Though I may THINK I am godly, I know I am NOT."
(--'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves')


… PRIOR to my accident, I was QUITE CONFIDENT in my ABILITIES.
Now, I QUESTION myself WAY TOO OFTEN!  (… It AIN'T healthy!)
(… It "goes AGAINST my grain".)

Although, this "SELF-DOUBT" could actually be KINDA HEALTHY for my PSYCHE.
It allows me to experience more SURPRISE, HAPPINESS and CONTENTEDNESS!


…

"I BELIEVE in you, Peter!"

… --'Hook'

NEVER STOP believing in HOPE, '

cuz MIRACLES happen EVERYDAY.

…

"'HOPE' is a GOOD thing … maybe the BEST of things."

(--'Shawshank Redemption')

...

"Suck … it … UP!"

…

Sometimes (ESPECIALLY during my INTENSE workouts) I've gotta forget what I FEEL, and remember what I DESERVE.

...

"WORK hard. PLAY hard."

…

"You're NOT training to be the 'BEST in the world'.
You're training to be the 'BEST in the world' … on your WORST day."
(--mother of UFC women's BANTAMWEIGHT-champion Ronda Rousey)

ALWAYS "give/go 110%"!

(… Though that statistic is mathematically-IMpossible,
it's JUST a motivational-saying.)


...

FUTURE (POSSIBLE) autobiography:

…
'Defeating ALL Odds --
CONSTANTLY hurdling OBSTACLES'
by Altan Kaynatma


Foreword/Pretext
    Yes, I "ACED" "Advanced Placement ('A.P.') Statistics" in 12th grade … as an ELECTIVE.
So, I'm A BIT OBSESSED with NUMBERS!  (They RELAX me.)
Thus--Ergo--Hence--Consequently, I WILL produce/supply ALL the necessary numerals/factoids for a THOROUGH analysis of my (New England-accent:) "WICKED HAHD juhney".
(… It's my opinion that "Will Hunting" of the AWARD-WINNING film, 'Good Will Hunting', is an ACCURATE portrayal of ME.)

-- Since NUMEROUS people have--EMOTIONALLY--"HURT" me, I'm very hesitant to TRUST new folks.
-- I've had DIFFICULTIES with the LADIES.
-- I'm TERRIFIC with numbers!
("I just … 'SEE IT'."--Will Hunting)
-- I've never really had to study MUCH.
-- Rather than "WASTING my time" learning a musical instrument, I prefer to become ENAMORED with "ACADEMIA".
(… Hence my TUTORING-service)


...

AMEN, Dr. Seuss!

…

"Why 'FIT IN', when you were born to 'STAND OUT'?!"
(--Dr. Seuss)

(… A CLASSIC novel by said writer:
''It's a Great Day for UP'')



...

Let there be (metaphoric) LIGHT!

…

Rise ABOVE the "storm", and you WILL find

"SUNSHINE".


(… DETERMINATION!)


...

Yes, I "Master the Mind-Muscle connection".

… Although the Motorized-scale May seem Minutely Monotonous, that Muscle-Memory is a Must-have throughout my recovery!

(… "Alliteration aside."--'Dodgeball')

I HAFTA thank My trainers for ALL the time and energy they commit to My development.


...

Speaking of my MATH-TUTORING:

…

We can't help EVERYONE.
But, "EVERYONE" can help SOMEONE.


"The BEST way to LEARN
… is to TEACH."


(… This COMMON saying can ALSO apply to my martial arts TEACHING.)
(… Since my memory is very "SPOTTY", I OFTEN LEARN terminology, locks and "escapes" during my PREP.)


….

… I canNOT claim ALL those REMARKABLE "feats" as MY OWN.

…

(  : (  )

I was merely quoting Dwight "Kurt, NOT Fart" Schrute of 'The Office'.

...

… That's TALENT!

…

I TRAIN my major blood vessels to RETRACT into my body on command.

…

Also, I can RETRACT my penis up into itself.

...

… That LITTLE "extra":

…
When my mother was pregnant with me, the doctors did an ultrasound and found she was having TWINS.  
When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, the doctors discovered that I had ABSORBED the other fetus.

Do I REGRET this?
No.
I believe this tissue has made me STRONGER.
I now have the STRENGTH of a grown man AND a little baby.


…

… MENTAL-fortitude:

…

Through concentration I can RAISE and LOWER 

my cholesterol 

AT WILL.

...

… I've been QUITE SKILLED … since BIRTH:

…


"BABIES" are one of my MANY areas of EXPERTISE.
Ya know, I performed my OWN circumcision.


...

… Before I do ANYTHING, I ask myself:

… 

"Would an IDIOT do that?"

…

If the answer is "Yes", I do NOT do that thing.

(… Ergo, I'm CONSTANTLY conducting SELF-therapy.)

...

SEMI-"new":

…
Although I canNOT go BACK and make a "BRAND-NEW" START,
I CAN start ANEW and make/create a "BRAND-NEW" … ENDING!

Focus on your FUTURE!
Alas, you/we canNOT alter the PAST.



...

MORE (SEMI-) INDEPENDENCE!

…
This evening I BOUGHT a VERY COMFORTABLE, SAFE, technologically-ADVANCED van …
CAPABLE of transporting my (HEAVY, AWKWARD) MOTORIZED-wheelchair!

Granted, I STILL don't actually DRIVE.
(I'm NOT LEGALLY PERMITTED to "operate an AUTOMOBILE/CAR".)
Nonetheless, it's a GREAT (metaphorical) "step in the right direction"!


...

I CONSTANTLY tell myself, along my (TOUGH) recovery:

… 

"The moment you're ready to QUIT

is usually the moment right BEFORE something MIRACULOUS happens!"

So, NEVER quit!

...

Excuse me, Mr. Balboa. But, you are SOOO WRONG!

…
"Without this, I'm NUTHIN'!
We CAN'T CHANGE who we ARE!"



"… If I can CHANGE and YOU can CHANGE, …
we can ALL CHANGE!"

(--'Rocky IV')


(… ANYONE who REFUSES to be OPEN to "CHANGING" his/her OUTLOOK/PERSPECTIVE is "LOWER" than a "COMMIE"-Russian!)


...

Those who KNOW ME never DOUBT ME.

…
Those who DOUBT ME never really "KNEW" ME.


...

ALWAYS … HOPE/BELIEVE!

…
GOOD things come to those who BELIEVE.
…
BETTER things come to those who WAIT.
…
The BEST things come to those who NEVER give up.



(… I'm just gonna add in some HOPE.  As an EXTREME OPTIMIST, I VEHEMENTLY believe that you can NEVER go WRONG with--ALOTTA--"HOPE"!)



...

SOMETIMES, it is more the actual PROCESS than the OUTCOME/RESULT.

…


HAPPINESS is a
JOURNEY
not a
DESTINATION.


...

… The FUTURE is a "VARIABLE".

… It is NOT "SET"/"FIXED"/"CONSTANT".

We KNOW what we ARE,

but NOT what we WILL BE.

(… There are INFINITE "FACTORS" involved in Life's "EQUATION".

You've just gotta determine which "EXPRESSIONS" "CORRELATE".)

(… Too much "MATHEMATICAL MUMBO-JUMBO"?!)

(… Well, I understand it.  So, …)

...

LIFE is a "variable".

…
It is EVER-CHANGING.
(… I can CERTAINLY vouch for that!)


SUCCESS is not FINAL.
(  : (  )
FAILURE is not FATAL.
(Can I get an "AMEN!"?)
It is the COURAGE to CONTINUE that matters.
(… AMEN!)

…
"Alliteration aside."--'Dodgeball'
THAT was a Math-Metaphor on the Many Multi-functions of Mortals.

…
WOW!  That's "DEEP"!
(… "THAT'S what SHE said!"--'The Office')

(… Game-announcer: "Kaynatma gets the ASSIST!")


...

For my "condition", I'm STILL VERY HEALTHY!

…
RECENTLY, my "UPPER body"-trainer measured/calculated my

height (~5' 7.5" = ~67.5 inches)
AND
weight (~139.4 lb.).

Ergo, my "B.M.I." ("Body Mass Index") of

"21.5"

fell WELL WITHIN the "Normal"/"Standard" region of

"18.5 - 24.9".

(… IN FACT, since the "MEAN"/average of the two endpoints would be

"21.7",

I'm JUST SLIGHTLY/"a TAD" below the AVERAGE of the "STANDARD"-region.

(… No, "BELOW average" has a NEGATIVE connotation.)

(… Let's go with
"Physically SUPERIOR but numerically BELOW".)



...

"LIFE"

… "is all about moments of 'IMPACT'."


...
"It's CRAZY what my HANDS remember, and my MIND forgot."

(--'The Vow')


...

(METAPHORIC) OPTIMISM:

…

"HAPPINESS can be FOUND--even in the 'DARKEST' of times--if one only remembers to 'turn ON the LIGHT'."

(--Professor Albus Dumbledore, 'Harry Potter')

((… Personally, I have "FOUR-eyes" (glasses).

Thus--Ergo--Consequently--Hence, I have DOUBLE the chance of "finding HAPPINESS" as y'all "NORMS".))

...

"We live to 'fight' another day."

…

True COURAGE doesn't always "ROAR".   Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow."


"GOOD work takes TIME."


...

Though I CONSTANTLY give my THOUGHTS/OPINIONS,

…
I NEVER tire of "ASKHOLES"!
(… "Askhole" = a person seeking advice, but he/she does the OPPOSITE of given thoughts)


...

"Well, that's--like--uh, your opinion, man."

… --The Dude, 'The Big Lebowski'

…
"People say you can't live without 'LOVE'.
…
But, I think 'OXYGEN' is MORE important."
(--DR. Sheldon Cooper, 'The Big Bang Theory')


MY theory:
In SELECT cases, to achieve HAPPINESS,

"XOXO" > "O2"


...

"HOPE" will NOT be denied!

…

Do NOT let "HOPE" "LIMP AWAY" beneath the sunset!

"HOPE" is the little voice you hear whisper "Maybe", when it seems the ENTIRE WORLD--of "HATERS" and "DOUBTERS"--is shouting "NO!"

(… "NOT up in HERE!")

...

NEVER "let up".

…
ALWAYS go "BALLS to the WALL"!

The ones who find the GREATEST HAPPINESS are the ones who

do NOT "make EXCUSES.
If it's BROKEN, they FIX it.

If it's WRONG, they make it RIGHT.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wva3qypGPvA

(… Although, it's not always "effec-TEEV".)


...

"The Italian Stallion" to ME:

…
"Nobody owes you NUTHIN'!
YOU owe YOURSELF!"
('Rocky III')


...

Until JUST RECENTLY, the American government "declared" that I did NOT "EXIST".

…
(COUGH cough)
(DUMBASSES!)
(… "Pardon my French.")

… Well, THAT inspired me to REVEAL my SECRET:)
(SSSHHH!)


Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Mata ahoo Hima de
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Himitsu wo Shiri tai

You're wondering who I am
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
Machine or mannequin
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
With parts made in Japan
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
I am the modren man

I've got a secret, I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling
My brain I.B.M., so if you see me
Acting strangely, don't be surprised

I'm just a man who needed someone
And somewhere to hide
To keep me alive, just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

I'm not a robot without emotions
I'm not what you see
I've come to help you
With your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour
Forget what you know

I'm just a man whose circumstances
Went beyond his control
Beyond my control, we all need control
I need control, we all need control

I am the modren man
(Secret, secret I've got a secret)
Who hides behind a mask
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
So no one else can see
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
My true identity

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo, Domo
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo, Domo

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape

Just when I needed to
Thank you, thank you, thank you
I want to thank you
Please, thank you, oh

The problem's plain to see
Too much technology
Machines to save our lives
Machines, de-humanize

The time has come at last
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
To throw away this mask
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
Now everyone can see
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)
My true identity, I'm Kilroy, Kilroy, Kilroy, Kilroy


...

My brain: "I'm learning to CONQUER fear."

…
My HEART: "'Fear' doesn't need CONQUERING.
'Fear' tells you where the EDGE is."
(--'Gotham'-trailer)

(… BESIDES, I have a "Traumatic Brain-Injury".  So, what does IT know?!)



(… That was VERY sarcastic!
My brain knows … A LOT!)


...

"Y'know, goin' through something' like this makes you

… REALLY APPRECIATE that you've got someone in your life."
((--The Thing (ME), 'Fantastic Four'))

(… Or, am I "Mr. Fantastic"?)
(… I'm--NATURALLY--a LEADER.)


...

""BROKEN wings mend IN TIME."

…
(--Alfred, 'Batman Firever')

…
"I'm a PEACOCK.  You've GOTTA let me FLY!"
(--'The Other Guys')

… Since I STRUGGLE to WALK--PROPERLY, INDEPENDENTLY, this DOES seem like a LEGITIMATE ALTERNATE form of transportation.

My FEMALE love-INTEREST--to ME:
"If YOU're a bird, I'M a bird."
(--'The Notebook')


...

Think BIG.

…


Go after your DREAM,
no matter how UNATTAINABLE others THINK it is.


...

It's SIMPLE/BASIC arithmetic:

…

POSITIVITY > NEGATIVITY

(… ALWAYS think "POSITIVE"!)

To use ebonics, 

IF you're PESSIMISTIC, then you're LESS THAN a "ZERO"!

...

"PAIN is TEMPORARY. PRIDE is FOREVER. …"

…
(ABRIDGED)
(--'Man v. Food')


...

… "MONEY can't buy HAPPINESS."

…
BLATANT proof:
The owner of the NBA team, the L.A. Clippers, (Donald Sterling) may have MILLIONS of dollars, he'd BETTER NOT be "happy" with his OWN SOUL … for the extent of his DESPICABLE RACISM!

(… Although I have--RECENTLY--gained a GREAT DEAL of WEALTH, I feel that I am "color-BLIND".)

(… Also, my LEGS--TEMPORARILY--do NOT "work--ENTIRELY.
So, I'm not exactly "HAPPY".)


...

"KICK OFF your SUNDAY-shoes!"

…
"Eccliastes assures us that there is a time for EVERYTHING."
(--'Footloose')

(… I'm getting RATHER impatient for my legs to RE-learn how to "WORK"!
But, ALAS, "GOOD work takes TIME.")


...

Alas, the view of ONLY ONE person REALLY MATTERS!

…
It's OKAY to be selfish … SOMETIMES.


It doesn't matter what OTHER PEOPLE think about you.
It's what you think about YOURSELF that really counts.


FAR TOO OFTEN, I've been the VICTIM of society's "IGNORANCE" (COMBINATION of STUPIDITY & NOT-KNOWING).
People hear that I have a "T.B.I." ("Traumatic Brain-Injury"), and they "ASSUME" (NEVER "ASS-U-ME"!) I'm "RETARDED"(YES, they ARE that politically IN-correct!).


...

"The difference between 'ordinary' and 'EXTRAORDINARY' is that LITTLE 'extra',"

… -'Waiting'


Striving for EXCELLENCE ("that little 'EXTRA'") motivates you.

But, striving for PERFECTION can be just DEMORALIZING.

((… When I exercise with my "UPPER body"-trainer, it's ESSENTIAL for me to "KNOW my LIMITS" … 'cuz of the (CAN BE painful) HARDware in my left shoulder.))


...

Be LOUD & PROUD.

…
"When you can RUN, you don't need to HIDE."
(--Quicksilver, 'X-Men: Days of Future Past')

Since I can/"CHOOSE TO" do NEITHER, I've learned to ACCEPT my--TEMPORARY--"disabilities".  They are merely "shortcomings" in an otherwise rather PRODUCTIVE/IMPRESSIVE (still-going), young life.


MORAL
ALWAYS think/be POSITIVE!


...

May the FOURTH be with you.

…
HAPPY "'Star Wars' Day"!

…
(Your line: "And also with you.")

(… EVIDENTLY, I am SUCH a NERD … for knowing RANDOM 'Star Wars'-NONSENSE … among MANY OTHER useless trivia-factoids.)


...

Work with what you've GOT.

…
UNFORTUNATELY, that's kinda been the story of my LIFE!

So, I MUST abide by the saying:

"SOME just PURSUE happiness.

(PAUSE for effect.)

OTHERS … CREATE it."


...

You know what really 'BURNS MY COOKIES'?!"

… --'Family Guy'

The term--"GREEK yogurt"--is SO BEYOND WRONG!
The word--"yogurt"--actually comes DIRECTLY from the TURKISH word--'yog~urt' (PHONETICALLY, it's 'yoh-URT'.  The "g" is "'SOFT'" or SILENT.)



http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/ask-a-health-expert/greek-yogurt-is-all-the-rage---but-is-it-good-for-me/article589342/  


MORAL
"NEVER trust the Greeks--EVEN when bearing gifts."
(--Trojan Horse)


...

"The END justifies the MEANS."

…


The STRUGGLE you're in TODAY
is developing the STRENGTH you'll need TOMORROW.

(… Can I get an "AMEN!"?)


...

ALTERNATIVE options!

…
IF--for whatever reason--my choice does NOT work out, then I ALWAYS have a "Plan B".

(POSSIBLE changes = "HYPOTHETICALS")


…
"It's SUPPOSED TO be a CHALLENGE.
That's why it's called a 'SHORTCUT'.
If it were easy, it'd just be called, 'THE WAY'."
(--'Road Trip')


...

Regarding my martial acts-TEACHING:

…
("ArtS" is PLURAL, 'cuz I TEACH 'Jujitsu'--'GROUND-fighting'--AND Karate.)

… I go by the philosophy/theme/motto of ONE Rubin Carver of the film, 'Road Trip':

"I could TEACH Japanese to a MONKEY in '46 hours'.
The KEY is just finding a way to RELATE to the MATERIAL."

(Although I do NOT remember ALL the Japanese terms for my MOVES,
"the BEST way to LEARN is to TEACH".)


...

LEARN from "Trial & ERROR".

…
Past MISTAKES are to GUIDE people … not DEFINE 'em.


...

"Glass is half-FULL."

…
I am too POSITIVE to be doubtful,
too OPTIMISTIC to be fearful
and too DETERMINED to be defeated.


...

PACE YOURSELF! But, do NOT "plateau"!

…

Be NOT afraid of "growing" SLOWLY.
Be afraid ONLY of "standing"STILL.


(… My IMPROVEMENTS are SLOW but STEADY.
They're GRADUAL.)

(… So, my PROGRESS is KINDA asymptotic:
INITIAL "steps" are GREAT/SIGNIFICANT, before they accumulate LESS of a STEEP increase in my body-"achievements".)


...

I may have MANY IMPRESSIVE qualities.

… However, I am by NO MEANS anything/"anywhere" CLOSE to PERFECT!

I can admit my FAULTS.

…

"'PATIENCE' is not exactly my STRONGEST suit."

(--Wolverine, 'X-Men: Days of Future Past')

"Is the future TRULY 'SET'?!
Or, can we change our (respective) future?!"
(--YOUNGer Professor Charles Xavier, 'X-Men: Days of Future Past')

…

"We NEED you to HOPE again."

(--OLDer Professor Charles Xavier, 'X-Men: Days of Future Past')

…

"The ROYAL 'We'.  The EDITORIAL …"

(--'The Big Lebowski')

...

I'm KINDA like that.

…
"Be CAREFUL.
But, DON'T be CARELESS!"
(--'D3: The Mighty Ducks')

… I ALWAYS mentally prepare myself.
Also, I'm CONFIDENT in my decision-making.



...