"I'm NOT-SICK. ... But, I'm NOT-WEEELLLLLL!"

... ('Tis a SONG ... by Lit)
--> UN-fortunately, I have-had a BIT of a "LAUNDRY-LIST" of PHYSICAL-"obstacles" to "HURDLE" in my time:

-- SURGICALLY-repaired LEFT-"BIG toe" ... from "foolin' -around" while helping OTHER-guys "cut-weight" IN the wrestling-room ... in high school
-- BOTCHED-surgery on my RIGHT-forearm (ULNA) ... in high school*, leaving me UN-able to FULLY-OPEN my RIGHT-hand 
-- ILL-TIMED, CONSEQUENTIAL "NYSTAGMUS"- ("Eye-movement DISCREPANCY"-) development ... from TEASING my brother
(... "Serves me RIGHT.")
-- EXTRAORDINARY memory-recall of MATH-rules, MOVIE-quotes, SPORTS-stats   
(... Was an "EXCRUCIATING" "burden of RESPONSIBILITY to bear")


--> So, I--CURRENTLY--have ALOTTA "medical-ISSUES":

-- TRAUMATICALLY-/SERIOUSLY-"DILAPIDATED" (possibly "DEADENED") bodily-NERVES**
-- IN-ability to speak ... CONSISTENTLY-COGENTLY 
-- LACK-of ... EMPATHY 
-- DRAMATICALLY-DIMINISHED memory-RECALL*** 
-- LACK-of ... LEG-strength**** 
-- LACK-of STAMINA/ENDURANCE**** 
-- TENDENCY-to "NUMERICALLY-balance" ... EVERYTHING 
-- Gastro-Intestinal IN-stability*****

... PLUS, there's MY ENIGMATIC-, "ANOMALY-esque"-"Traumatic BRAIN-Injury" that's MOSTLY-PHYSICAL.
(... It CAUSES my DEPENDENCY-on/NECESSITY-for ... my wheelchair.  Thereby, 'tis quite-FRUSTRATING that/when my BRAIN KNOWS WHAT-to DO & HOW-to DO it, but the "messages" DON'T-get FROM my VERY-COMPETENT/-"OMNIPOTENT"--but VERY UN-godly--BRAIN ... TO my rather-STUBBORN muscleS.)
... I HAFTA-CONSTANTLY plead--AFTER repeated-"CUES": "I KNOW!  I'm TRYIN'!"


--> I HAFTA--BEGRUDGINGLY--DEPEND-on the "Intellectual-STABILITY/-'SOUNDNESS'" of OTHERS to "FOLLOW my 'OFF-the-WALL'-'trains-of-THOUGHT'".
((... "There is a 'METHOD' to MY 'MADNESS'."
... "'BEAUTY' is in the eye of the 'BEHOLDER'."
... (AUDIBLE-sigh) I am OFTEN left DISAPPOINTED.))

(... THAT is NOT what SHE said!)


--> ALAS!  There was NOTHING-INTERESTING on television EARLY this afternoon.  So, I played ALOTTA "'EXPERT-level' -- Minesweeper".  
Lo & behold, I HAD-never "WON"/"BEAT" five CONSECUTIVE games ... 'til NOW!  
(... THAT's an AVERAGE of 342.6 SECONDS --> 
5 MINUTES & 42.6 SECONDS --> ~5.71 MINUTES.)

... I "KEEP-myself 'BUSY'" ... in various "MIND-working"-WAYS!


--> Stop HATING-yourself for everything you areN'T, ... and start LOVING-yourself for everything you already ARE ... who you AIM-to be.
--> BOTTOM-Line:
"The (all-TOO) REAL-events that have happened to me have been fucked up, not my mind!"
(--Jack Starks, 'The Jacket')

... "I was (23) years old the first time I died. I remember there was white everywhere. There was war and I felt alive, but really I was dead."
(--Jack Starks, 'The Jacket')
(... I am REFERRING-to--OF COURSE--July 6, 2008--"A day that will live in INFAMY!")

... "Sometimes I think we live through things only to be able to say that it happened  That it wasn't to someone else, it was to me.  Sometimes we live to beat the odds.  I'm NOT-CRAZY, even though ('DOCTORS')  THOUGHT I was. I live in the same world as everyone else. I just saw more of it, as I'm sure you have.  ... Sometimes 'LIFE' can only really BEGIN with the knowledge of DEATH.  ... The important thing in life is to believe that while you're alive, it's never too late. I promise you, (Doc), no matter how bad things look, they look BETTER 'AWAKE than they do 'ASLEEP'.  When you DIE, there's only one thing you want to happen. You wanna COME-BACK."
(--Jack. 'The Jacket')

... Guess which film I watched this morning--for the FIRST-time EVER--& really-ENJOYED!  ... 

... 'The Jacket REALLY-got me THINKIN' ... about ... even-THOUGH MY-life MAY-SEEM bleak & hopeless, ... AT-LEAST I am ALIVE, OPTIMISTIC & DETERMINED!         


--> I also watched the BRILLIANT film 'The Imitation Game', ... which inspired me to TRY-to mimic Alan Turing's code-breaking BRILLIANCE!
(... NOT his HOMOgeneous sexual-PREFERENCE!)

... "Sometimes, it is the people whom NO ONE imagines anything OF ... who do the things NO ONE can imagine."
(--'The Imitation Game')
(... I KNOW I have so-MANY "DOUBTERS" ... for ... WHATEVER-reasonS!  ... I shaN'T "LOWER-myself" to THAT NEGATIVE-thinking!)    


--> Never be dependent to anyone in this world, ... because EVEN your-OWN shadow "LEAVES-you", when you're "in DARKNESS."   
(... You have no "GREATER 'JUDGE' of YOU" than ... YOURSELF.  ... Sooooo, do NOT FRET ... about appeasing-OTHERS!  ... SOMETIMES, 'tis OK ... to be "SELFISH".)       .




KEY
* = I--QUICKLY--ADAPTED to the HORRIBLE/TRAUMATIC surgical-MISCUE my JUNIOR-year, by earning my BEST WRESTLING-season my SENIOR-year.

** = 'Tis "FRUSTRATING to the 'Nth-degree'" (... GOTTA-have a MATHEMATICAL-term), when I'm STARING-at my UN-moving legs ... & NOTHING's HAPPENIN'! 

*** = I--HONESTLY--doN'T remember many stories & DETAILS ... at-ALL!  So, I REALLY-appreciate ANYONE's "REVIEWING" past-TALES.

**** = I'm STILL IMPROVING ... EVERYDAY!
... Thus, I'm PRACTICING my "WALKING" MORE-OFTEN!

***** = (WARNING) As part-of my CONSTANT-"EXPERIMENTING", I sat-UP in my wheelchair for TWO "meals" this morning.  ... Ergo, I "EVACUATED my BOWELS" TWICE today!  ... And, BOTH "stools" were VERY "LARGE & SOLID"!
(... YAY!)


...