If you caN'T lLAUGH-at YOURSELF, ... then--let's "FACE-it"-you're just NOT-funny.

...
-- So, I COULD've "felt SORRY for MYSELF" ... with ALL the UN-fortunate, POORLY-timed, CATASTROPHIC, SEEMINGLY life-DESTROYING events that have happened TO ME in the last ... 8+ years.  
... But, "SORROW" & "DESPAIR" "just aiN'T MY cup o' tea".
"PESSIMISM" --> "THAT's just NOT how 'I roll'."


-- Yes, my CURRENT-status is a--THEE--"LOW-point" in 
MY--otherwise--"STANDOUT"/COMMENDABLE/EXTRAORDINARY 30+-year "tenure" UPON Earth.
But, I am DETERMINED to find, "HARNESS" & "MAXIMIZE"* my "FUN"-levels ... SOCIALLY.

... "When 'LIFE' gave [me] LEMONS", I made ... lemonade" ... AND a NINE-unch hunting-knife ... AND an AK-47 ... AND a playpen for my PET-Scorpion.
(... Yes, as an ENGINEER, I CAN ... & DO ... DESIGN such "what-not".)

... A buddy of mine TRIED-to make an "A.J. Kaynatma"-inspired toilet paper.  But, there was one GLARING-mistake:
I "doN'T TAKE 'SHIT' from ANYBODY"!

... A 'Handicapped Parking'-sign does NOT signify that the SPOT is for just-ANY "Handicapped-person".  'Tis actually in-FACT a WARNING ... that the spot BELONGS-to ME ... & that you'll BE "handicapped" IF you park there.

... Back in the day, when I LEARNED HOW-to COOK from JUST-observing my DAD's "culinary-TENDENCIES", I ALSO learned-to "UN-scramble eggs".


-- So, my housemate brought home his fast-food meal-order.
Just to keep myself BUSY, ... since I doN'T EAT that "rubbish", I started-to TALK-TO his FOOD.  ... I told MY tale of "automobile-mechanic"-"DUMBASS-edry" with ensuing-injurIES.  ...
Sure-enough, his "HAPPY-meal" CRIED.


-- In lieu of my CONNIVING "story-telling", I was feeling particularly-SLICK today.  So, I challenged my housemate--my "high school"-SALUTATORIAN--to a game of "Connect FOUR".
..
Lo & behold, he won in THREE moves.

... After my LOSS, I focused on NUMBERS, ... 'cuz "digits RELAX [me]" ... as my INSIGHTFUL "NeuralPsychoTherapist" noted.
(... I.e. MY birthday = 4/8/85; My BRO's birthday = 2/18/87;
Ergo, I am ... 681 DAYS OR ~1.87 YEARS OR ~22 MONTHS oldER ... & wisER.)   


-- (WARNING) I'm NOT sure WHY?!  But, my WEEKEND-/EVENING-Nurse "fed me" some-kind of "BOWEL-stimulator".  
... Thus, I've been EXTREMELY-HYPERACTIVE with my "EXCRETING of 'SOLID bodily-WASTE'" today:
5 "DUMPS" in ~ten HOURS ... AFTER-ALREADY SIX "POOP-PARTIES" in March.
(... I questioned & PROTESTED the REASONING-behind SUCH a decision.  ... "W.T.F.?!")
-- I've "just GOTTA keep-ON LIVIN'--L-I-V-I-N, LIVIN'".
(--'Dazed & Confused')




KEY
* = Knowing ME, I WILL "MANIPULATE" my injuries & limitations INTO "STRENGTHS" & SKILLS ...  with MATH!
(... "EXTREME-points"--like "MAXIMA" & "MINIMA"--are MATHEMATICAL-terms.) 



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