PRESENT A.J.--to PRE-accident A.J.: "Top five things I miss about (my--FUNCTIONING--legs)--ONE: 'FREE-WILL'. Having the CHOICE/OPTION to SIT or STAND or LUNGE or GALLOP or … SQUAT-THRUST my way to … ANYTHING, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. NOT-having to DEPEND-on someone-ELSE to act as my 'SPOTTER' or 'DRIVER' or 'GUARD' … would-be … 'MAGICALLY-SATISFYING'. TWO: 'CHARACTER'. My LOWER-appendages were NEVER hesitant to 'GOOF-off', and/or 'make an ASS of me'. That 'dedication to HUMOR/COMEDY' exemplifies 'character'. Or, at least they HAD 'character' before that 'EXPLODING-TIRE nightmare'. They're STRONG & DEPENDABLE, and they NEVER seem to 'give-up' … no matter HOW 'DEEP' a stance my 'Martial Arts'-Professor wanted me to SHOW. THAT's 'CHARACTER'."
[holds up three fingers]
PRESENT A.J.: "THREE:"
[long pause, hesitantly]
PRESENT A.J.: "I miss their 'FEEL' & the way they BEND … but NOT break. No, I'm NOT some kind of WEIRDO/SICKO who CONSTANTLY 'TOUCHES himself' & WHINES about 'putting the LOTION in the basket'. … I'm NOT Buffalo-Bill from 'Silence of the Lambs'! I could ALWAYS ''push 'em to their LIMITS''. I miss their STRETCHING. It's a mystery of human-ANATOMY, & I doN'T understand it! (Actually, … I DO comprehend the 'EXTENSION' & 'CONTRACTION' of muscles. SSSHHH!) Some muscles, as far as their 'TENSION' & 'EASE' are concerned, just feel like home-REST … as opposed to 'home-WORK'."
[shake my head, recollecting, then look back and lip synch 'FOUR' while holds up four fingers]
PRESENT A.J.: "I really dig how I would just WALK-around. It's like I didN'T care how I looked or what I projected, and it's NOT that I didN'T care! It's just, I was NOT-affected, I guess, and that gave me--GRACE. And, FIVE: I USED-TO do this thing in bed when I couldN'T get to sleep. I'd kinda half-moan, & do SIT-UPS, 'til I TIRED &/or FATIGUED. EXHAUSTING! But, I've GOTTA maintain my ABS! … I COULD make a 'LAUNDRY-LIST' about my LEGS & things that 'drive me CRAZY'. BELIEVE ME! But, it'd just be your 'garden-variety' SELF-depricating nitpicks. … That's KINDA the 'issue' that got me here--in 'neural-psychotherapy'."
……………...
PRESENT A.J.: "The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules. Anyway... I've started to make a tape... in my head... for my LEGS. Full of stuff that's APPROPRIATE for THEM. Full of stuff that RELAXES THEM. For the first time I can sort of see how that is done."
PRESENT A.J.: "I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth, and by this measure I was ACTUALLY ENJOYING … MUSIC!"
PRESENT A.J.: "It would be nice to think that, since I was 23, times have changed. Treatment of COMA-victims has become more sophisticated. Government-officials less 'THICK-headed'. BRAIN-tissue thicker. LOGICAL-instincts more developed. But, there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that's happened to me since. All my violent, traumatic-stories are a scrambled version of that first one."
PRESENT A.J.--to MY BRAIN: "If you REALLY wanted to screw me up, you should've gotten to me earlIER."
PRESENT A.J.: "Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I've read books like "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" and "Love in the Time of Cholera", and I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? Just kidding. But I have to say my all-time favorite book is Johnny Cash's autobiography "Cash" by Johnny Cash.
PRESENT A.J.: "……………...Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing.
PRESENT A.J.--to PRE-accident A.J.: "So you've got a list here of 5 things you'd do if qualifications and time and history and salary were no object.
OLD-SCHOOL A.J.: "Yeah, SO?"
PRESENT A.J.--evaluating the choices: "HHHMMM, 1) Martial Arts Instructor--'Tis VERY DEPENDENT on your SOCIAL-connections. 2) Industrial-/Technical-Engineer for Petroleum-Distributor--You WERE RAPIDLY 'climbing the MANAGERIAL-ladder'. 3) Biomedical Engineer--WHERE?! 4) UFC-fighter--WHERE's your PRACTICE-facility? 5) Comedic-writer--INTRIGUING! But, you need MORE info!
PRESENT A.J.--evaluating the choices: "HHHMMM, 1) Martial Arts Instructor--'Tis VERY DEPENDENT on your SOCIAL-connections. 2) Industrial-/Technical-Engineer for Petroleum-Distributor--You WERE RAPIDLY 'climbing the MANAGERIAL-ladder'. 3) Biomedical Engineer--WHERE?! 4) UFC-fighter--WHERE's your PRACTICE-facility? 5) Comedic-writer--INTRIGUING! But, you need MORE info!
PRESENT A.J.: "A.J., gimme your TOP FIVE physical-'crimes' perpetuated by YOU to … YOURSELF in this EARLY-century. GO! (IMMEDIATELY) …………………..Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a FORMERLY-BRILLIANT Engineer/Martial-Artist for his latter day sins?! Is it BETTER to burn-OUT or fade-AWAY?!"
...
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